Phoenix man's request： ＂My mother needs an operation, so you sell the dowry room and pay the money.＂

　　Since childhood, my dad has asked me to exercise seriously. He often tells me: "You can be a man without too much money, but you must never get seriously ill. If you are seriously ill, even if you have a golden hill at home, it will not be enough. "

　　I quite agree with my father's point of view. As my father said, even if we have more money, we can't buy our health or get back a life.

　　For people, it is a very distressing thing for themselves or close people to suffer from incurable diseases. If we encounter diseases that are difficult to treat, we need to use advanced medical methods and take expensive imported drugs to prolong our lives.

　　When family members are ill, others will also be in a dilemma. On the one hand, the savings in our hands can't afford the huge treatment expenses. On the other hand, the sick people are our relatives, so it is difficult for us to sit back and watch.

　　I want to ask you, if the sick person is your spouse's family, and your spouse asks you to help him with all your strength, will you agree?

　　Recently, my reader Zhao Nvshi encountered this thorny problem.

　　Ms Zhao told me that her mother-in-law had cancer and needed an operation. The husband couldn't afford such expenses, so he started the idea of her dowry room.

　　01

　　Ms. Zhao's husband, Mr. Tang, is a phoenix man and has deep feelings for his mother. According to Zhao Nvshi, shortly after Mr. Tang was born, his father went out to work and sent the money he earned home for his son to study. Since Mr. Tang's grandparents are long gone, Mr. Tang's mother had to stay in her hometown and take care of her son alone.

　　Growing up, Mr. Tang can only see his father twice a year, and most of his time is spent under the care of his mother. Mr. Tang's mother is very kind, takes good care of her son and attaches great importance to his study. In order to save money for her son to study, the mother can not change her cotton-padded jacket for seven years, but also buy counseling materials for her son.

　　Mr. Tang lived up to his mother's expectations and was admitted to a 985 university with excellent results. After graduation, Mr. Tang stayed in the city and began to make money.

　　At present, Mr. Tang's monthly salary has reached more than 30 thousand.

　　Zhao Nvshi's parents commented on Mr. Tang, who is enterprising, knowledgeable and has a bright future. Ms. Zhao's parents don't mind that Mr. Tang is a phoenix man, but they are very optimistic about their future. So, Ms. Zhao's parents readily agreed to this marriage and married their daughter to Mr. Tang.

　　When Ms. Zhao got married, her parents married a wedding room. Within five years of marriage, Ms. Zhao has given birth to two sons. In order to create a good learning environment for children, Mr. Tang and Zhao Nvshi bought another school district. This school district house was bought by installment, and Mr. Tang's name was written.

　　02

　　Half a year ago, Mr. Tang's father called them and told them that Mr. Tang's mother seemed to be feeling a little sick and asked them to send Mr. Tang's mother to the city for examination.

　　Mr. Tang's mother had an examination in the hospital and was finally diagnosed with cancer. The doctor advised Mr. Tang's mother to have an operation to stop the spread of cancer cells and prolong her life as much as possible.

　　Mr. Tang's mother needs not only surgery, but also imported drugs and hospitalization. Therefore, in order to treat his mother, Mr. Tang must prepare at least hundreds of thousands of expenses. This is undoubtedly an astronomical fee for Mr. Tang.

　　In the end, Mr. Tang thought of a way and made a request to his wife, Ms. Zhao: "My mother is going to have an operation. You sell the dowry room and pay my mother."

　　Ms. Zhao put forward a suggestion, that is, sell the house where she lives now and move to her dowry room. Mr. Tang disagreed: "This house is a school district and cannot be sold. Besides, it's embarrassing to let me live in my wife's dowry room. If others know, they will think that I am eating soft rice. "

　　Zhao Nvshi refused to sell the house, and Mr. Tang accused her of being cold-blooded: "That's my mother and your mother. As a daughter-in-law, you have an obligation to be filial to my mother. How can you be so cold-blooded? "

　　Ms. Zhao told me: "If selling a house can cure my mother-in-law, I can think about it. However, the doctor has clearly told us that even after the operation, my mother-in-law's condition is still not optimistic, and it is estimated that it will not last long. In other words, we are wasting money by selling houses to save people! However, regardless of my husband, he would rather borrow money than treat his mother-in-law. Now, because I refused to sell the house, he turned to me, ignored me, and pulled many relatives to blame me in turn. "

　　At present, Zhao Nvshi's relationship with her husband is still stiff, and her mother-in-law's condition is still deteriorating. As soon as Zhao Nvshi goes out, she will be pointed at by others, thinking that she is not filial. However, Ms. Zhao's parents and friends think that she did the right thing. Now, Ms. Zhao is very upset and doesn't know how to deal with this matter. She is neither willing to sell her pre-marital property to treat her mother-in-law who has no hope of recovery, nor can she persuade her husband. After all, if this happened to her, she might make the same choice.

　　In fact, there is no obligation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, only mutual affection.

　　According to the regulations, the son has the obligation to support his parents, but the daughter-in-law has no obligation to support her mother-in-law. The obligation to support and the obligation to support complement each other. The people who support the daughter-in-law are the parents of the daughter-in-law, not the parents of the husband.

　　The relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law cannot be described by obligation, but it may be more appropriate to describe it by mutual affection.

　　The so-called mutual affection means that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should understand each other, help each other and support each other. For example, the mother-in-law helps her daughter-in-law to take care of the baby, and the daughter-in-law helps her mother-in-law to support the elderly. If the mother-in-law is unwilling to help her daughter-in-law with the baby, the daughter-in-law has no right to blame her mother-in-law. In the same way, if the daughter-in-law is unwilling to help her mother-in-law support the elderly, her mother-in-law can't force it.

　　Pre-marital property is a woman's personal property, and a woman has the right to dispose of it, and her husband has no right to force her to use it for other purposes.

　　Pre-marital property is private property, which is owned by individuals. Whether the woman wants to leave her property to her parents or sell it, the man has no right to interfere forcibly.

　　If a man wants to solve his family's problems, he can solve them through his own efforts and other means, instead of forcing his wife to pay. When a wife refuses to give up her premarital property, there is no reason for a man to blame her for it, which leads to marital discord.

　　In marriage, we need to communicate with our spouses, understand each other and be considerate. When doing things, we also need to do what we can. It is not wise to build a future for yourself and your family for something that cannot change the established facts.