My mother set three family rules for my prospective daughter-in-law, so I didn't get a wife until I was 30 years old.

　　Zhou Guoping once said: "All communication has an insurmountable final boundary. This boundary is unclear, but it is certain. All troubles and conflicts start from unintentionally trying to break through this boundary."

　　When people interact with each other, they need to have a sense of boundaries. What can be done, what can't be done, what can be managed, and what can't be managed must be clearly carried. No matter how close the relationship between two people is, even parents and children need to have a certain sense of boundaries. If you interfere too much and manage too widely, you will not only fail to enhance your feelings, but also make the other party feel uncomfortable and affect your relationship.

　　In family life, the relationship between parents and children is the closest. Influenced by traditional culture, in the eyes of many parents, children are their own private belongings, without any privacy and dignity. As parents, they have the right to ask about the big and small things in their children's lives and make any decisions for their children. Even if the children have grown up, they are immature children in the eyes of their parents and cannot do without their care.

　　Therefore, in many cases, parents' airtight love and control for their children will become a stumbling block to their children's happiness. Parents who lack a sense of boundaries will intervene in their children's marriage, interfere in the life between their children and their spouses, and make their spouses dissatisfied.

　　During the National Day, I was invited to attend the reunion of high school classmates. During chatting, we were surprised to learn that high school classmates had not married their wives when they turned 30 in the New Year. When it comes to his marriage, He Xin is full of sadness: "The reason why I can't marry a wife is because of my mother. The three family rules set by my mother for my prospective daughter-in-law kept me from getting a wife until I was 30 years old. "

　　01. The mother is a strong person, and everything about the size of her son should be involved.

　　He Xin's mother, Aunt Lin, is the eldest daughter in the family. Since childhood, she has assumed the responsibility of taking care of her siblings and sharing family affairs for her parents. She plays an important role in everything from her younger siblings' daily life and studies to the important decisions that need to be made at home. Growing up in such a family environment, she developed a very strong personality. After getting married, she became the steward of the family.

　　He Xin is an only child and the darling of his mother. Aunt Lin has been with him since he was born, taking good care of his diet and daily life. I remember when we were in high school, in order to save time, we all stayed for lunch. Every noon, Aunt Lin will send the food to the school gate and stare at her son for dinner. When eating, He Xin doesn't even have the right to be picky about food. As long as it is nutritious food that Aunt Lin thinks, she will force He Xin to finish it, whether it is to her liking or not.

　　Since childhood, most things in He Xin's life have been decided by Aunt Lin, including volunteering for the college entrance examination. Originally, He Xin couldn't stand her mother's impenetrable care and wanted to apply for a university far from home. Aunt Lin found out and cried at home for three days, forcing He Xin to modify his wishes and choose a local university.

　　Although He Xin is thirty years old, he still lives with his mother, and the decision-making power of things at home is still firmly in his own hands by Aunt Lin.

　　Too much interference in the son's private life, and a strong desire for control, which is the performance of parents without a sense of boundaries. With such parents, it is difficult for children to be truly independent, and it is difficult to grow into a person who can shoulder the heavy responsibility of the family.

　　02. Mother's three non-negotiable family rules scared away He Xin's girlfriend and blind date.

　　After graduating from He Xin University, he began a journey of falling in love. At the age of 24, He Xin fell in love with his colleague, and their relationship developed rapidly, reaching the stage of talking about marriage. Before talking about marriage, He Xin brought the girl home.

　　After seeing her son's Mr. Right, Aunt Lin didn't show much joy. Instead, she was picky about girls, which made them feel very embarrassed.

　　When chatting, Aunt Lin solemnly mentioned her family rules to He Xin's first love: "Since you are going to marry my son, you are my family, so you need to abide by my family rules. As long as you can accept the three family rules I set, I will promise your marriage. "

　　What are the three family rules? First of all, when discussing family affairs, the daughter-in-law must listen to her in-laws' opinions, and can't contradict her in-laws, let alone quarrel with her in-laws. Secondly, the daughter-in-law must hand in her salary card, which is managed by He Xin. When giving gifts to her family, gifts and gifts must be approved by her in-laws. Finally, He Xin is an only child and must have a son to inherit the family business. If a woman cannot have a son after marriage, she must leave home clean.

　　After listening to three family rules, He Xin's first love didn't say anything, picked up his bag and left. When he left, the first love left such a sentence to He Xin: "It is your misfortune to have such a mother. You can't get a wife unless that girl is hopelessly stupid. "

　　The first love became a prophecy. After that, He Xin also talked about love and kissed many times, all of which ended in failure. Slowly, everyone around him knew the three family rules set by his mother, and they talked about him one after another. They never dared to introduce him to anyone again, so He Xin became an older man.

　　03. A certain boundary must be kept between parents and children.

　　In a family, if there is an elder who has no sense of boundaries and is too lenient, the children's marriage will be very sad and happy.

　　Elders who have no sense of boundaries will interfere with their children's private lives without scruple and make their spouses lose their privacy; Elders who have no sense of boundaries will intervene in the housework of their children's small families as elders, making their spouses feel that they are not respected; It is easy for elders who have no sense of boundaries to look down on their children's spouses, resulting in tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

　　Sense of boundaries is a basic requirement for family harmony and an important requirement for cultivating children's independent personality.

　　Teacher Jin Shang said in The Forever Growing Apple Tree:

　　"The best parent-child relationship in the world is to prepare for future separation."

　　Parents should understand that children are an independent individual, not an accessory of parents. Parents and children will be separated sooner or later, and children will leave their parents and live independently sooner or later. Parents can't protect their children's life and take care of them all their lives. If children can't grow up independently, it will be difficult to cope with the hardships and challenges of life, it will be difficult to be their own dependence, and it will be difficult for their spouses to trust them.

　　So, in the family, how should parents keep a sense of boundaries with their children?

　　First of all, when parents get along with children of the opposite sex, they should keep a sense of boundaries and cultivate their children's gender awareness as soon as possible. The cultivation of gender awareness is very important. It can not only make your children understand the importance of respecting the opposite sex, but also make your children have a strong sense of self-protection.

　　Secondly, when children encounter things that need to be decided, parents can give reference opinions and inspire their children to think. The real decision-making power should be handed over to their children. Parents should make their children understand the importance of taking responsibility for their own decisions.

　　Finally, parents should respect their children's spouses and stay out of their children's housework. Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, and it is easy to cause trouble if they are too much in charge. It is difficult for the spouse of a child to have an elder who lacks a sense of boundaries. If parents want their children to have a happy marriage, they need to keep a certain distance from their spouses and live in harmony with them.

　　Today's topic: What do you think of parents' lack of sense of boundaries? Welcome to share your opinions in the comments section.