I would rather rot in my stomach than say two things to my adult children. Parents should keep in mind.

　　All love is for getting together, only parents love their children for separation.

　　When children grow up, the first lesson parents should learn is to keep boundaries and understand and respect their children as independent adults.

　　Therefore, as parents, there are two things that I would rather rot in my stomach than tell my children.

　　Once said, it will not only make the parent-child relationship tense, but even directly lead to the evil consequences of "disaster comes from the mouth".

　　Wen | cares about

　　(updated at 12:30 or 17:30)

　　one

　　Don't blow your children's self-esteem at will.

　　"If you are an ordinary parent, you don't have much culture, no resources, and you don't know how to educate your child, then you should understand him more, encourage him more, recognize him more and support him more."

　　This is an article in the People's Daily, which earnestly persuades ordinary parents.

　　Very reasonable.

　　As parents, our love for adult children should be more encouraging and more tolerant.

　　This will affect and even accompany the child's life.

　　My cousin in my hometown has always remembered her silent support for her aunt.

　　After graduating from college, my cousin joined an enterprise as an accountant. However, the work was not satisfactory, so she resigned and spent a year preparing for the examination of civil servants in this city.

　　This choice is actually very stressful for the cousin family. My uncle died of illness a few years ago, and the financial burden of the family was all on my aunt's shoulders. I finally hoped that my cousin graduated from college and took part in the work. I thought I could breathe a sigh of relief for the time being. My cousin resigned and was unemployed at home, which was very stressful for my aunt, both economically and mentally.

　　But my aunt didn't say anything, just let my cousin review and prepare well.

　　Relatives at home advised her not to let her cousin's temper come. What if her cousin failed to get into the civil service one year later and lost her job?

　　Aunt knew that everyone was doing her best, but she decided to support her cousin's idea:

　　"She is also an adult, and she must know the stakes here. Let her be the master of her life."

　　A year later, my cousin was admitted to the civil service as she wished.

　　Afterwards, my cousin said that without her aunt's support at that time, she didn't know how to persist. In the year of resigning and reviewing, she was so stressed that her hair fell out in a lot.

　　Life as an adult is not easy.

　　When encountering difficulties, everyone wants someone behind them to support them silently.

　　For parents, when their children encounter life problems, it is the best love for their children to give them more respect and tolerance and not to hit their self-esteem at will.

　　Two

　　Don't alienate your children from each other.

　　Between parents and children, it is a practice of drifting away.

　　This is the law of nature.

　　Psychology also says that if people want to maintain a long-term relationship, they must keep an appropriate distance.

　　This is the sense of boundary.

　　But unfortunately, many parents always think that children are born and raised by themselves, and children's affairs are their own business. Besides, I am also wholeheartedly good to my children. Blood ties with family ties, and family ties with my heart, so there is no need to talk about distance and boundaries.

　　Therefore, even if their children have grown up and become married, these parents will still intervene in every detail for fear of missing one or two.

　　Among them, the most common is to interfere with the husband-wife relationship of children.

　　My friend Xiao Zhou almost divorced his wife because of her mother's excessive interference.

　　Xiao Zhou's mother is a sacrificial mother who devoted herself wholeheartedly to her son. Because of my excessive love for my son, I am used to telling my son and daughter-in-law what to do in my heart.

　　Everything about the daughter-in-law, Xiao Zhou's mother almost doesn't like it, and she has to accuse one or two in front of Xiao Zhou.

　　For example, if you spend a lot of money, you won't do housework, you don't care enough about your husband, and you are too strict with your children ... Even if you order a takeaway and drink milk tea occasionally, you have to complain for a long time.

　　The result can be imagined. First of all, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good, and then the contradiction between husband and wife increases sharply.

　　Later, Xiao Zhou couldn't bear it, so he had to send his mother back to his hometown.

　　Protecting calves is human nature, which is brought about by blood relationship.

　　Parents naturally have a preference and a desire to protect their children. When children and partners have conflicts and frictions, it is not objective and fair, and it is easy for parents to take sides with their children.

　　Therefore, smart parents will try their best to keep a distance from their children's lives and try not to interfere with their children's marital relationship.