＂My daughter-in-law gives you 1,500 yuan a month to pick you up for the holidays, and you still say that she is unfilial. What do you want？＂

　　Have you ever met a situation in which you communicate with your parents?

　　Communication is a very important key to solving problems. After all, we are independent individuals with our own ideas, and we are not worms in each other's stomachs, so we can't grasp each other's thoughts all the time. At this time, we need to communicate with each other, express our ideas and listen to their ideas. Then, we can discuss countermeasures together and try our best to find a solution that is satisfactory to both sides.

　　However, as the saying goes, it doesn't make sense for a scholar to meet a soldier. If the two sides disagree, don't recognize each other and stick to their own opinions, communication won't work at all. What's more troublesome is that the other party is still your parents.

　　Many parents have no intention to communicate with their children at all. In their eyes, they are the elders, the people who give their children life, and the sky, who can decide everything for their children and ask their children to do anything without asking their opinions. Children want to communicate with them, and they talk about filial piety with their children, saying that I am for your own good, so that children can't reason with them at all.

　　I once encountered such a situation. When I chose a major in my first year of high school, I wanted to choose liberal arts. My parents thought that the admission rate of liberal arts college entrance examination was too low, so I had to choose science, and I didn't listen to my ideas at all. I also went to my class teacher and asked the class teacher to assign me to the science class. Fortunately, I got grandpa's support before I took the road of my own recognition.

　　Adler, one of the three giants of psychology, once said: Basically, all contradictions in interpersonal relationships are caused by interfering with other people's projects or interfering with their own projects.

　　As parents, please listen to your children's thoughts, respect your children's personality, don't always act according to your own preferences, and don't force your thoughts on your children, otherwise, the relationship between you and your children will deteriorate rapidly.

　　With an unreasonable mother, Mr. Zhao, 49, felt very collapsed.

　　01. My relatives in my hometown told me that my mother said everywhere that my daughter-in-law was unfilial;

　　"I said Xiao Zhao, as a son, how can you marry a daughter-in-law and forget your mother, live a good life in the city and let your mother suffer alone in her hometown? Why don't you just watch your daughter-in-law fail to honor your mother? How difficult it was for your mother to bring you up? Has your conscience been eaten by dogs? "

　　After being criticized by his relatives, Mr. Zhao felt puzzled and asked his relatives what was going on. It turns out that this relative is also a card friend of Mr. Zhao's mother, Grandma Zhou. When playing cards, Grandma Zhou "accused" her daughter-in-law of being unfilial to her relatives.

　　"Their family of three lives in a big house in the city, leaving me alone to die in my hometown. Is there such a wife?"

　　"I was ill in the hospital. My daughter-in-law actually said that she was busy at work and had no time to take care of me. My in-laws are ill in hospital, and I stay in the hospital all night without rest. "

　　Grandma Zhou accused her daughter-in-law of not being filial, not letting herself go home to support the elderly, and leaving herself alone in her hometown. She also accused her daughter-in-law of not coming back to see herself during the Chinese New Year and seldom calling her. Some time ago, she was ill, and neither her son nor daughter-in-law came back to take care of her.

　　In response to Grandma Zhou's accusation, Mr. Zhao felt furious and asked his mother, "Is my daughter-in-law unfilial? What kind of words is this? My daughter-in-law gives you 1500 living expenses and takes you to the festival. You still say that she is unfilial. What do you want? "

　　02. Although my mother doesn't live with us, my daughter-in-law and I didn't treat her badly.

　　Grandma Zhou's biggest resentment is that her son's family of three lives in the city and she lives alone in her hometown. However, let alone the daughter-in-law, even the son Mr. Zhao doesn't want his mother to live at home.

　　"My mother is a very stubborn person. She never listens to others patiently. Only you listen to her. If you don't listen to her and ignore her, she will make a splash, cry and make trouble until you are bored and have to compromise. At the beginning, I didn't develop well in my hometown, I couldn't earn money to support my family, and I wanted to go to the provincial capital. She didn't want to make trouble for a long time, which attracted many people to see jokes. "

　　Although Grandma Zhou didn't live with her son's family, Mr. Zhao and his daughter-in-law really didn't treat her badly.

　　Grandma Zhou has a pension of about 2,000 yuan a month, and her daughter-in-law gives her 1,500 yuan in alimony every month, which adds up to 3,000 yuan, which is enough for her to spend.

　　Daughter-in-law is worried that her mother-in-law is used to frugality and is unwilling to spend money, so she often orders things online and sends them to her mother-in-law Every time I go back to my husband's house, my daughter-in-law will go to the market to buy food and stuff the refrigerator full.

　　Although my daughter-in-law didn't come home to visit Grandma Zhou because her mother was ill during the Spring Festival, Grandma Zhou was taken over by her daughter-in-law for reunion on Labor Day and National Day.

　　"Mom, be a man with my conscience, can't talk nonsense! You said my daughter-in-law didn't care about you when you were sick? Didn't my daughter-in-law hire a nurse to take care of you? "

　　03. You live a free retirement life, but what do you have to do under the same roof with us?

　　In the face of her son's questioning, Grandma Zhou adopted the old method and kept asking to move to her son's house.

　　Feeling overwhelmed, Mr. Zhao got angry with his mother and asked a series of questions.

　　"What's the point of you moving to my house? My wife and I haven't retired yet and need to go to work. Your granddaughter is going to college in other provinces, and there is no one at home. Isn't it boring for you to live in it? "

　　"In my hometown, people you know can play cards with you and go to my place. You don't know how to play cards with acquaintances. What are you going to do? "

　　"What are you going to do if my daughter-in-law doesn't let me? Forcing me to drive her away? Then, I became a loner. Are you satisfied? "

　　"Mom, it's not that I said, compared with those parents who are gnawed by their children, you are already very blessed. Can't you cherish your blessings and live in peace? When you need our care, we will naturally arrange you properly. "

　　Relatives who know the truth also think that Grandma Zhou has gone too far, and persuade Grandma Zhou to stop and not offend her filial daughter-in-law, so as not to have a hard time in the following days. Grandma Zhou was helpless and had to be quiet.

　　04. As parents, don't be too self-righteous, and don't be too arrogant.

　　Teacher Wu Zhihong said in Why Home Hurts People: "What is home? Home is a responsibility, a sincere treatment of each other, a long journey to grow old together, a post station of life and the warmest harbor. Then why does home still hurt people? All love is traceable and traceable. When we trace back to the source, we may find that some love is actually hurt. "

　　Some parents give their children more harm than love. They only think from their own point of view, regard their children as their accessories, and have no respect for their personality and opinions as an independent individual. When their children resist them, they feel that their dignity as parents has been challenged, and they will stand on the commanding heights of morality and accuse their children, even forcing them to compromise with themselves and satisfy their desires with the pressure of public opinion. They love themselves rather than their children.

　　As parents, don't be too self-righteous and too pretentious. Just because you have children doesn't mean that your children should be obedient and responsive to you. If you choose to give birth to them, you have the obligation to raise them. You can ask them to support you when you have fulfilled your obligation. However, you can't ask your children to give up their lives around you.

　　When people reach their old age, they should be content, and there are children who care about you, honor you, and live up to expectations without worrying about it. What else are you dissatisfied with? At this time, you should adapt to loneliness and find something to do for yourself.

　　Reasoning writer Yasuhiko Nishizawa said: "Normal interpersonal relationship is to keep a certain distance when interacting with people, no matter how close the relationship is, it will respect each other's personality."

　　Parents get along with their children, too. You should respect your children, respect their spouses and give them space. Only in this way can you get their heartfelt respect and filial piety and win-win results.

　　When people reach middle age, everyone is carrying a heavy load. You have experienced the hardships of the old and the young, and you should be considerate of the difficulties of your children. When you can still take care of yourself, don't add too much burden to your children. Keep this affection, and when you really need them, you can get their sincere filial piety.

　　Today's topic: Do you think Grandma Zhou is an old man who doesn't know how to cherish happiness? Welcome to share your opinions in the comments section.