A clever Phoenix male mother： ＂I don't help my relatives borrow money, nor do I go to my son's house.＂

　　First of all, ask everyone a question. After your children get married, do you want to live under the same roof with them?

　　In fact, whether parents and children live together varies from person to person. If parents don't like it, even if their children do, there is nothing they can do. Parents want to live in their children's house, and if their spouses don't do it, if parents move in forcibly, it will trigger a family storm.

　　Whether they live with their children or not, parents should remember one thing if they want to get along well with their children and their spouses, that is, don't interfere in their lives and give them the necessary respect.

　　Adler, one of the three giants of psychology, once said: Basically, all contradictions in interpersonal relationships are caused by interfering with other people's projects or interfering with their own projects.

　　Parents need a sense of boundary when they get along with their children. As independent individuals, we all need to have our own lives, and no one can interfere.

　　"Your son is promising, with an annual salary of 300,000. He bought a house in a big city. Why didn't he pick you up to live together?"

　　"Xiao Xuan mom, are relatives, give me a hand! It's hard for me to find Xiao Xuan. You are his mother. If you come forward, he will definitely promise to lend me money. "

　　Du Xuan's mother, Aunt Liu, has heard these two paragraphs more than once. Fortunately, Aunt Liu is a smart mother and has her own principles: "I don't help my relatives borrow money or go to my son's house."

　　01. The son can make an annual salary of 300,000, mainly by himself;

　　Aunt Liu is 62 years old and her son is Du Xuan. She is 38 years old. She got married ten years ago and settled down in the provincial capital.

　　Speaking of Du Xuan, both relatives of Du family and Liu family are very envious of his achievements. Du Xuan is a phoenix man in people's mouth. His family background is average. With his own efforts, he has gained a firm foothold in big cities. He not only successfully married and had children, but also bought a house, earning an annual salary of 300,000.

　　"When people mention my son, they know envy, praise us for being blessed and praise my son for being smart. In fact, my son can earn an annual salary of 300,000, mainly by himself. "

　　When it comes to his son, others think of Du Xuan's high spirits when he was admitted to a famous university. Aunt Liu thinks of mountains of test papers and lights still on in the room in the early morning. Others think of Du Xuan's three-bedroom apartment in the provincial capital, while Aunt Liu thinks of her son's marriage event that he has repeatedly hit a wall because of his status as a Phoenix man. Others think of Du Xuan's annual salary of 300,000 yuan, and Aunt Liu thinks of the back of her son who is busy working upstairs on the first day of the New Year's Day.

　　"He studied so hard, earned so much money, and promised his daughter-in-law that he would definitely put his family first and not help the poor at will. I can't help him much, but I can still do it without holding my son back."

　　02. My relatives dragged me to help them borrow money from their son and ask for work, but I didn't save the poor.

　　In my hometown, Aunt Liu's reputation has deteriorated. Both her husband's family and her relatives have labeled Aunt Liu as heartless, heartless, selfish and stingy. However, Aunt Liu does not regret it.

　　"My son's annual salary is 300,000, which is true. Does it have anything to do with them? When my son was young, because our family was poor, many relatives looked down on us and didn't treat him well. Every time he went back to his hometown, the party was postponed whenever he could. These relatives ask us to borrow money, and it is thousands or tens of thousands to open their mouths. Why? " To this end, Aunt Liu offended some relatives.

　　"Some relatives came to borrow money and asked me to talk to my son. I told my son twice, and my daughter-in-law quarreled with him. Do I dare to say it?" Aunt Liu refused to take a message to avoid affecting her son's marriage.

　　However, some relatives asked for help and got the help of Aunt Liu, which solved the urgent need.

　　"My son's uncle is kind. When our family is busy with farming, he often helps. His son is short of money when he marries. My uncle both owes me an iou and pays interest. I can't help this busy. Daughter-in-law is also very reasonable, and agreed without hesitation. At the appointed time, my uncle returned the money, of course, without interest. Also, saving the poor does not save the poor. A relative and daughter are in urgent need of medical expenses. I didn't find a son and directly took my own savings to help. "

　　Aunt Liu will give a hand to relatives who are polite, promise to write IOUs and have a good reputation. Those who come up with "We are relatives and your family should help us if you are rich" and "What? Aunt Liu would rather offend relatives who owe money than borrow money.

　　03. I would rather rent a house than live in my son's house;

　　Hearing the bad comments from relatives, Aunt Liu and her wife couldn't sit still and didn't want to compromise, so they chose to leave their hometown and move to the provincial capital.

　　"My son has a big three-bedroom apartment in the provincial capital. They live in one room and two grandchildren live in one room. Many people think that when we go to the provincial capital, we must live in another room. What does my wife think? I refused."

　　In the face of his wife's incomprehension, Aunt Liu patiently persuaded him.

　　"It's hot as hell in summer, and we are either unwilling to turn on the air conditioner or turn it off for a while. The water from Taomi is used to flush the toilet, and the leftovers are never willing to be dumped. Do you think the daughter-in-law can be happy? Are you comfortable to see them turn on the air conditioner all night and pour the leftovers into the trash can? "

　　"Do you like smoking in the house, incorrigible, to the son's house, daughter-in-law will let? Do you dare to smoke in front of your grandson? "

　　"Grandson naughty, daughter-in-law discipline them, don't you love dearly? Will your daughter-in-law be happy if you stop her? "

　　"The young couple bickered, who are we better to protect?"

　　Aunt Liu's wife kept shaking her head. Finally, she understood Aunt Liu's meaning: "I understand. Since we look at each other's displeasure and we can't avoid quarreling, we should simply be out of sight and out of mind. If we can't see them, we won't nag."

　　Aunt Liu's thoughts are also understood by her son and daughter-in-law. In the end, the son and daughter-in-law rented a house for them in the opposite community, which not only had their own space, but also facilitated their care.

　　"My son and daughter-in-law often give us money. They are afraid that we are not willing to spend money. They will buy food and send it directly. If they don't work overtime on weekends, they will come to dinner with us. We usually help to take care of our grandchildren, then take a walk and dance square dance, and the days are very comfortable. "

　　04. As parents, don't harm your children for the sake of face.

　　Lu Yao wrote such a sentence in "Ordinary World": "Relatives are often the most vulgar. They try to touch each other and roll their eyes if they don't. Even the biggest difficulties in your life are often caused by relatives."

　　Holding high and stepping on low is human nature, saving face and human nature. In fact, most parents can't hold back their relatives' requests to borrow money for work, just to save face.

　　They like to see the envious eyes of their relatives, like to see their relatives compliment themselves, and prefer to hear others praise their children for their skills. As parents, they all think their children are the best.

　　However, as parents, don't harm your children to save face. No matter how capable your children are, the money is not blown by the wind. They have paid a lot of effort, energy and money to get to this point. They have paid and deserve to enjoy a good life. Why do relatives who have never paid for them take advantage of it for nothing?

　　Moreover, after the children get married, all their income is the joint property of the husband and wife, and every penny is related to the interests of the spouse. If you always help your relatives infringe on the interests of your children, you will also infringe on the interests of your children's spouses and ruin your children's marriage.

　　Parents should live their lives with peace of mind, even if they can't help their children, don't hold them back.

　　Today's topic: Do you think Aunt Liu's refusal to borrow money from relatives is correct? Welcome to share your opinions in the comments section.